Depression

I wrote this back in 2006. Found it again when I was going through my files trying to recover everything after the computer meltdown.

Assume Nothing
Demand Everything

How to Overcome Depression in 10 Easy Steps

1. Just Snap Out of It
2-10. Just Snap Out of It

Sound familiar?

Maybe we should start over.

Step 1: Get out of bed.
Day 2: Get out of bed.
Day 3: Get out of bed.
Keep working on Step 1 until you
are ready for Step 2.
Step 2: Shower.
Get out of bed.
Shower.
Step 3: Brush your teeth.
Get out of bed.
Shower.
Brush your teeth.
Step 4: Get dressed.
Get out of bed.
Shower.
Brush your teeth.
Get dressed.
Step 5: Repeat Steps 1-4 until you are ready for Step
6.
Get out of bed.
Shower.
Brush your teeth.
Get dressed.
Step 6: Get out of bed.
Shower.
Brush your teeth.
Get dressed.
Get out of the house.
After Step 1, Step 6 may be one of the hardest Steps. And, I think, one of the most misunderstood in terms of how to go about it. This isn’t “snap out of it” kind of getting out of the house. You can choose to get out with someone, but for the initial phases of Depression, I recommend against it. The instant you agree to go outside with someone else, you are setting up expectations — on your part and on theirs. Getting out of the house does not mean go shopping or go out to lunch. Right now, Get out of the house means: open the door, walk outside.
Step 7: Now that you’ve accomplished one of the most difficult steps, it’s time for another.

Smile.

Once you’ve stepped outside the house, reward yourself: Allow yourself to smile at your ccomplishment. And remind yourself that it’s okay.

Smile, even if you don’t feel like it. And I’m not talking about smiling at others to convince them everything’s okay. Smile at yourself — for yourself — in private. Begin smiling every day for just a few minutes a day. You don’t have to look in a mirror (it may make this more difficult). Smile to yourself. And if the urge hits you, Laugh.

Step 8: It’s time to work on food.
Some people overeat when they are Depressed. Some people don’t eat at all. So Step 8 will help either
way:

Eat Healthy

If you’ve only been eating bag after bag of candy, stop.
If there’s still candy or ice cream or fried chicken in the house, I want you to do the unthinkable: Throw it out. Even if you’re having money trouble (you had the money for the candy/ice cream/potato chips didn’t you? Trust me on throwing it out. “Money trouble” and “Can’t afford to buy more food” were two of my favorite excuses for keeping it around too.) If you have the tendency to overeat when you’re even slightly Depressed, not having unhealthy food in the house is the only thing that will keep you from eating it. And you will often be pleasantly surprised by the healthy foods that were there all along, but you’ve been avoiding.

If you’re the type who doesn’t eat when you’re depressed, it’s possible you may need to go grocery shopping. Your fridge very likely only contains mustard and hot sauce and you hate hot sauce.

No matter your Depression eating style, consult a nutritionist or nutrition web site. Here are a few to get you started:

Buy fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, low-fat dairy and whole grains. If you have children and a family, ignore their pleas for anything else. These are the foods they need to eat too. Feel the urge for something sweet? (or your children insist on it?) Buy only naturally-flavored sweets: fruits and all-fruit drinks, raisins, etc. Yogurt, granola bars, even popsicles are all low-fat alternative snacks. Want
salty/crunchy? Pretzels are perfect! (just not too many, or at least go for low-salt pretzels.)
Beans are not only a low-fat, high-protein choice, they can also be used to go back to Step 7
(remember the ditty from childhood, “beans, beans, the glorious fruit…”?) If you find yourself farting more now, don’t be embarrassed by it! Laugh about it. Allow yourself to Smile.
Or you could just fix them with a teaspoon of plain vinegar. That works too.

Step 9: Show me the money.
Okay, so that’s not Step 9, but this
is:
Watch your spending and stick to a budget.

I’m only going to address people who overspend when they’re Depressed. (if you underspend as punishment — not allowing yourself essential items — this is addressed in Step 10.) I’m not going to
ask you to identify your overspending habit. You know if you do it. I’m also not going to ask you to have someone else do this for you. Every Step is to show you that yes, you can take care of these thing yourself.

First, Make and keep a budget. Not as easy as it sounds, I know.
Go back three months in your bank and credit card statements. Categorize where the money went — ALL of it. Every single item on a bank or credit statement should be in a Category.
For example:
Expected Bills: rent, electric, phone, internet,
insurance, etc.
Unexpected Bills: doctor visits, for
example
You can sub-categorize those 2 even
further:
Rent
Electric
Phone
Cell
Phone
Internet
Groceries
Gas (if you drive anywhere at all,
might as well budget this high for a while)
Car
Payments
Insurance
Credit Cards
I’ll say it again: Every
item on your bank statement MUST be in a category, with the last one
being:
CASH WITHDRAWALS
How often do you withdraw
Cash? How much do you withdraw at a time?
Where does that money go?
This is the hardest category to keep up with, and the one that can get you in the most trouble. If you have to, begin keeping up with your receipts every time you use Cash.

Now that you know where your money is going, how can you Watch your spending? This isn’t easy sometimes, but little by little, you can do it by asking yourself, “Which of the first 2 categories does this fall under? Is it an Expected Bill? Is it an Unexpected Bill? Just how necessary is it?” And even within the Bill itself: for example, is the Rent always late? That late fee is Unnecessary.
I think you’re beginning to get the picture.

Most importantly, see how much of your overspending you are able to recognize on your own. This is Your Depression we’re helping overcome here after all, not your accountant’s.

Step 10: Don’t punish yourself.

Let’s review:
1. Get out of bed.
2. Shower.
3. Brush your teeth.
4. Get dressed.
5. Repeat 1-4.
6. Get out of the house.
7. Smile
8. Eat healthy.
9. Watch your spending and stick to a budget.

Step 10: If at any given time during the road back from Depression, you miss a Step, or have to go back one or two, don’t punish yourself.

This includes not allowing others to punish you too. Don’t fall for lines like: “just snap out of it,” or “how could you do this to me?”

Remind yourself every day that you accomplish even one thing from Steps 1-9, you have made a breakthrough. All 9 will not happen all at once (hence the need for Step 5: Repeat 1-4).

Instead of food or spending, begin to Reward Your Accomplishments with Step 7: Smile. Allow yourself to feel good about your progress. While one or two of these Steps may prove more difficult than others, Step 7 is, by far, the most important. Once you can Smile and feel good about your accomplishments and how far you’ve come, you are well on your way out of depression and back into
Life.

And that feels pretty darn good.

So the goal was to read through Wishcraft to help me get my ass in gear and get some things done. But I stopped reading at chapter 2. I have almost as many valid reasons as I do excuses. I did have that one catering gig that took up quite a bit of time. There’s a good reason. Taking care of everyone else first, another one. Always have, always will. I have no intention of changing that. Some things just have priority over everything else. And sometimes, even the top priorities seem to get “pushed aside.” I don’t like it, but it happens.

But I don’t know if the following are reasons, excuses or just plain cop-outs. I’d like to see them as the first option. They feel like the last option. The truth lies somewhere in between.

  •  I’m tired.
  •  I freeze and stop.

No, I don’t have as many responsibilities as some people. No, I definitely don’t have as much help as most people. Wishcraft clearly states “you can’t do it alone.” (I forget what chapter now, but it’s in there.) I think there’s the real problem. I can’t do it alone, so very little gets done. That old saying “if I don’t do it, no one else will” is one of the biggest cop-outs from so many people. My mom used to live by it – she still tries to… in spite of actually having all the help she could ever want.  But what if there’s no one else TO do it? What if there’s no help? What then? Priorities get skewed; work gets pushed aside; bills don’t get paid… and I freeze.

Excuse #1
I’m tired. Plain and simple. Yes, part of that IS indeed my depression. Yes, sometimes I succumb to it, sometimes I overcome it. Yes, I can tell and feel the difference when the tiredness is from depression or from something else. What to do when it’s something else? My only real option now is to Sleep. Hopefully soon, I’ll be able to swim or exercise to help get my energy up. Hopefully soon, the condition of the house will stop contributing to it. Hopefully soon…

Excuse #1a
The condition of the house could be seen that I’m a slob. I’ll get into that more later, but I wanted to address the basic accusation here. I am not. The biggest problem isn’t my own cleanliness – some things JUST DON’T HAVE A PLACE TO GO. In order for them to have a place, that means buying more things, which in turn means finding a place for the new things… it’s a vicious cycle. One I plan to and am in the process of overcoming. More to come…

Excuse #2
I freeze. I panic. When I start feeling overwhelmed, I just… stop. (delete, delete, delete, delete, delete) There is no explaining it. Unless you’ve been there, there is no understanding it. I’ve witnessed people in hospital emergency rooms having panic attacks. I’ve seen (friends and) family members GO to the hospital because of panic attacks. Frankly I want to throw those people off a building. Maybe they understand how it feels, but GOOD LORD they need to get a friggin’ grip! Somehow I think it’s the difference in having an ingrown toenail and having a tube shoved into your side with no anesthesia. (Yeah, try that just once. You’ll get what I mean.) Which is basically me saying “no one really understands – WAH!” *rolls eyes at the thought*

On the other hand…

The catering job went GREAT! I’m still getting orders from people who were there. I didn’t get to make everything I had planned (I had a pretty ambitious menu to begin with), but there was enough of every dish for anyone who wanted it to have more and some food left over but not too much. It means I do know how to plan for ‘x’ amount of people. They expected around 20 – 26 people and 30 people showed up. There were lots of questions about the food, how to order, how to fix it, which was the goal. I was answering questions AND SELLING the entire rest of the evening.

I have just under one week to get my entry in for the food contest I’m entering. I still believe I have a very good shot at it, even if I only get my one entry in. I have 2 planned, so at least one of them can be ready by next week.

The cleaning plan is in place and is, so far, working. While things are still a mess, I’m able to find most things I’m looking for, and things that were lost have been found. Score!

The shop and affiliates are up and running. Four sales without any marketing (one within 24 hours). Which has inspired me to get my sites updated. Lots of information out there on how to make both programs successful.  I am officially excited about it.

I did the unthinkable and allowed myself to not only buy something NEW just for me, but a more expensive one at that. The last time I did was sometime last year when I allowed myself to buy a new food processor/blender and a new chef’s knife. I don’t regret getting those for myself – especially since I’m cooking more – and since I’m having to cook more for financial reasons. I don’t regret the new purchase either. I’ve already justified it to myself, that it will help me more effectively and efficiently run my business. (Though I do wonder how many people feel the need to justify a new purchase? I don’t count clothes into that equation as I literally ONLY buy clothes when everything else I have has worn through or no longer fits. I honestly don’t have 5 outfits to get me through the work week.)

Shopping priorities of other people continue to amaze, astound and completely confuse me. One article described a shop-aholic’s goal not to buy anything for one month. She ended up lowering that to 2 weeks because she simply wasn’t able to do it. And on the recent credit counseling I went through online, there was a question of “what do you buy every day?” without an option of “Nothing”. Every DAY? Are they kidding? Why buys something every single day??? (With the answer, it guessed that most people would say things like: sodas, snacks, lottery tickets. Even the counseling web site didn’t take into account some people DON’T BUY THINGS.)  And the shop-aholic’s article listed the most unusual “priority” items I’ve ever seen. The goal was not to shop for things that didn’t fall onto a “priority list.” Her list included wine; but excluded paper towels. So if she ran out of paper towels and spilled her wine, I guess that means she was SOL.

Another priority I witnessed on a recent documentary had me shaking my head in complete disbelief. One woman in Alaska has decided that the only (food) she and her son need is salmon. And the only way she’s going to get it is to go and catch it herself. (First, she clearly prepares the salmon with other food – white bread, heavy mayonnaise, etc, so it isn’t the ONLY food they eat. It’s the only MEAT they eat. Just to clarify what she didn’t.) And her “reason” (ie: excuse) for catching it herself is how expensive meat – salmon, in particular – is. The documentary showed her going past the meat counter with an air of disgust at the prices (with her shopping cart filled with junk food). They then showed her buying all NEW gear (She said she does this every year, several times a year. Why did she need new gear?), loading up her (non-hybrid) car and driving for miles to get to just the right fishing spot. Unsuccessful at catching anything for several days in freezing rain and what looked like the worst possible conditions, with her toddler in tow, no less, she gave in and paid a boat $100 to get to a better fishing spot. She spent most of this time complaining and making sure the viewer (and also her son) was well aware of the potential danger of bears, which she seemed to hear at every turn. What did she get in the end? What looked to be around $60 worth of salmon.

So are my priorities skewed? Maybe so, but I think I’ve got a better handle on it than these poor souls. Maybe someday I’ll be able to buy something for myself without guilt or justification. And hopefully soon… I won’t freeze.